“Listen,” she said as her eyes looked directly into mine. She continued speaking as her hand pulled out her wallet to pay for the clothes my kids needed. “If you're going to be a worker, you better get used to taking the financial help people offer.” 

This was the first support admonition I recall after we officially started our ministry work. After 15 years I’m still not so great at following this woman’s advice. I don’t think I’m the only one.  

Living on support seems to bring sweaty palms to almost every field worker I’ve met. Even beyond those raised in America’s independent culture, support raising seems to rub against something deep inside: something that seems to scream “I can do this myself!”. 

Receiving speaks of need, and acknowledgment of need smacks hard at pride. Oswald Chambers writes in his January 11th, My Utmost For His Highest devotional “...and we say–I will never accept anything from anyone. We shall have to, or disobey God. We have no right to expect to be in any other relation than our Lord Himself was in (see Luke 8:2-3).”

Yep. I’m proud. It seems to lace through every action of my soul. I know God hates this,* but I also am learning that His grace is still being offered to me, even regarding the pride in my heart. Paul says in Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

God loves me and knows exactly where I am in my spiritual growth. God gives me His grace to help me see myself through His eyes and recognize that I’m bursting with pride. He’s not there to knock me down when I confess. Instead His grace will forgive this sin, just like every other. His grace will help me learn to receive what He so freely gives.

So, I’m left with a choice. Will I receive His help and forgiveness regarding my prideful independence, or like I wanted to do that first time someone offered money for our needs, pull out my own wallet and try to pay myself??  

*Proverbs 11:12