Tears, sniffles, tears, tissue, weeping and more tears. That unexpected, uninvited guest—Grief—had just barged in and he looked like he was going stay longer than expected. How was I going get rid of him this time? I did not know. I surely did not like the friends he had brought with him—they looked like the squatting type—their names Loneliness and Homesickness.

As I curved into a fetal position and wiped my tears away, I heard the Holy Spirit’s gentle voice, asking: “Why are you crying?”

I could not speak and say it aloud, but my thought was loudly expressing it: “I miss my mom. I miss sitting with her… looking at her… talking to her about anything and everything. I miss walking with her and I wish I could be there and not here. I miss dad… I…”

As tears, sniffles, tears, tissue, weeping and more tears ran down my face, I remembered mom’s warm, lasting embrace as I was getting on that bus taking me to the airport. I tried to hold the tears but they were flowing down my face as I was waving her goodbye. Dad had stayed home; he could not handle the emotions. Before our last embrace, at home, I found him in the closet pretending to look for something but he was there to hide the tears and wipe his face.

Upon arrival in my host country, I struggled and was homesick—for the first time in 27 years. I tried to cheer myself up, toughen myself up and ignore those emotions but it kept persisting and crashing like waves that come and go. Tears, sniffles, tears, tissue, weeping and more tears.

One day, I felt strongly convicted I had to share my struggles. I prayed a brief prayer asking God who I should talk to and He directed me to Heidi, my friend back home in Iowa. With tears, sniffles, tears, tissue… and a moment of vulnerability, I said it aloud: “I feel lonely and homesick”. 

Her taking time to listen, shedding empathetic tears and encouraging words gave me strength to acknowledge that I missed my family. That moment of vulnerability was liberating. It felt like chains were breaking off of me. Light had just pierced through the darkness that had enveloped me for weeks. That day, I gathered up the courage to also communicate with two local friends who empathized and also provided refreshment and wise advice. 

That day I learned a very valuable lesson—we cannot experience breakthrough without exposing our shadows, our struggles into the light. The moment I opened up and spoke of that hovering darkness of loneliness and homesickness, I started to experience a breakthrough of peace, tears, sniffles, tears, tissue and a feeling of great relief that I was not alone but surrounded, loved by a community that would hold my hand through the journey.

If you are going through a valley of dark shadows, do not hide or isolate, be vulnerable and talk about it, because as Ephesians 5:14 says “everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.”