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Before leaving for my field of service, I had to write a will. It was a somber experience. I had to explain where I would want my body to be buried, where I would want all my belongings to go and say goodbye to my loved ones. It was hard, because no one wants to think about death.
No one wants to thing about their own death or the death of a loved one. However, before I left for my field of service, I was mentally prepared to die, as I and others were going to unchartered territories where it is dangerous to be a Christian.
Accepting one’s possible death is not as painful as accepting the death of a loved one. A couple months ago, my aunt passed away. It was devastating and it was all so sudden. Moreover, I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.
At her viewing, as I uttered my thanks and goodbye I felt peace, yet grief did not evaporate when I said goodbye or the moment we buried her. I was going to need some time. At the funeral home, there was a booklet that was made available for anyone grieving a loss. I picked it up, even though I did not think I was going to gather the strength to read it. The booklet was very concise, helping readers process the five stages of grief and loss, a theory that was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss American psychiatrist. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When I had picked up the brochure, I was in the depression stage.
All of us will experience grief at some time in our lives, whether it be because of the loss of a friend, a loved one, the loss of a job, or a severed relationship. Understanding the stages of grief can not only help us understand what we're going through or will go through, but also help us walk alongside a friend or a family member who is going through grief in a spirit of compassion, empathy and understanding.
Trying to read a book or booklet on grief during the grieving process can be very difficult, so prepare well today. Grief and loss are part of life and learning to grieve well can ease the way in accepting what you will initially deny.
What do you do with everything you’re feeling and experiencing?
Everyone deals with grief differently. Some might find it therapeutic to journal, audio record what they feel, join a grief group, meet with a counselor or a psychologist. All those are options at our disposal that can be great resources in helping us process grief. When I lost my aunt, I found it very therapeutic to immediately share my pain through my podcast, so people would know what was happening. In the first update I shared I had lost a loved one and needed some time to grieve. I wanted my listeners to understand that I would not be publishing any episodes for some time. When I was ready to return, I came back two weeks later to create a second update in which I shared the details surrounding the loss and I dedicated the episode to her life. Finally, a couple weeks later I created a third update on how to deal with grief. Overall, spacing out my episodes every two weeks rather than every week helped me as it gave me space to grieve, process and finally share. It was very cathartic for me.