The people God had sent us to live with were beautiful. No, I don’t mean a “look at their hearts” kind of beauty, I mean a beauty that belongs on a screen or magazine. Their eyes were dark and big. Their hair was thick and curly. Their smiles were broad. All their features fit together in some sort of exotic way that had me stare in the mirror at my watery blue eyes and sort-of-blonde hair and think dull, plain, washed out. So, what did I do? I went to work! Some dark brown dye on my blonde-brown hair was just the trick. 

Not really. I didn’t dye my hair.  

Sometimes I tried to do a similar thing, though, when it came to the giftings and circumstances God had put me in. When I heard things like, “I talked with… (insert name of a coworker) and she helped me so much,” or “after we do… (insert the name of a ministry opportunity), we will go on to do… (yep, insert another opportunity)”, I seemed to look at my own work and see limp, plain mush. 

Too often, I then attempted to re-make what God had designed for me.  

What was behind all of this? In 2 Corinthians 10, God told me that I belonged to Him and so did my coworkers. God also stated that He had given me an area of influence in which He wanted me to work. He even said that it is not wise to compare myself with others. I knew those things, so another piece of the Word needed to reach my heart, a word that wasn’t as easy to hear.

James 3:14-15 says, “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.” Jealousy? Really? The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced and convicted. 

Even now, when I compare myself to others, jealousy, and an attempt to morph into someone I’m not can result. I need to call it what it is – jealousy, repent, and stay before God to wash in His truths about Who He is, and how He has uniquely made me.