Though I’m not going to write about it in a newsletter, one of the hard realities I currently face walks with a stoop and embodies more grace and faith than ten of me put together. Having moved off the field to help my mom age in place, and despite God’s generosity in giving me ministry beyond her home, living here makes me wonder if my patience is hanging back in Romania waiting for clothes to dry. 

It's no wonder that God has had me read, then re-read, and of course read again, the book of James. I don’t get stuck on the “consider it all joy” passage (I’m just ignoring it), but what keeps stopping me is “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:4. The “let” in this verse keeps repeating in my mind. I don’t seem to have much control over the trial I am in, but in some ways, it sounds like God is giving me a choice as to whether I’ll let perseverance work. I keep asking, “how am I to do that?”  

James gives answers as I work through that question. In it, God tells me to ask for His wisdom and then makes it clear that my spoken word indicates if I’m really believing the wisdom He gives. When I hear myself judge my mom or others, grumble about what God has asked me to do, tell folks I am praying and then don’t, or deny to myself that I am envious of those who are still on the field, I identify that worldly wisdom is leading my thoughts. (“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart…” Matthew 15:18) In the same way, when I admit to God what I am thinking, speak in a way that acknowledges He is holding my future, and draw near to Him in humble conversation, I see evidence of my trust.  

I hear James cheering me on from a distance as I realize that letting perseverance work isn’t so different from the rest of my walk of faith. With each of my steps, I can listen to what my words reveal about my heart and make the choice to ask Him to help me, or run the wrong way without Him. And those words I tried to ignore – “consider it pure joy”? They are starting to make sense! As I see how much He is doing it makes it a bit easier to back off and let Him work. Why, I’ve even had a glimpse or two of joy as I adjust my pace and walk slowly beside my mom.