Truth be told, I have never been all that great about “self-care”. I even mocked the notion for a while. Called it a first-world privilege. In my mind, self-care was selfish, and I had been called to serve.

Then eventually a friend reminded me of Jesus’ greatest commandment. First love God, and then love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). How had I missed those last two words my whole life? If I wasn’t loving and caring for myself, could I fully love and care for others? 

Truth was, I couldn’t. Once I realized that, I slowly started to set aside my preconceived notions about “self-care” and learned to embrace it for my own life. Here’s how: 

I found my thing: All of us need a thing that restores our soul, fills us up, and gives us energy for the next task ahead. While I was on the field, this was a combination of weekly Bible studies with other expat friends, a monthly date night with my husband, and a day at the beach each month with my family. I found the things that gave me joy and I made them a routine. 

I learned to be intentional: Through trial and error, I learned that time off, in and of itself, is not self-care. For example, I once took my laptop to our family beach day so I could catch up on emails. While my kids splashed around in the water, soaking up the sun, I sat behind a table stressing over work. Finally, my husband convinced me to put the laptop down, but by then I had missed half the day. I had taken time off (kind of), but had failed to be intentional with it. Lesson learned. 

I allowed myself to not feel guilty: This one was (and still is) the hardest for me. Putting my needs before my family’s or my work, even temporarily, feels unnatural. Guilt often creeps in and tries to distract me, and I have to work really hard to fight it off. I am a work in progress, but I am getting better at it.  

I am no self-care expert. But after years of practice, I truly do see its value in my life. Over time, I have discovered that the better I care for myself, the greater my capacity is to care for others. In other words, I am finally loving my neighbor the way I love myself.