“I think I gave myself Shingles,” I said to a friend. “I was incredibly stupid to get so upset about my boss’ decision to delay his return to Kabul. I sat in my darkened bedroom for three days, not talking to anyone beyond required work needs, meditating on how mad I was. Well, I should have known better, what an idiot!” 

“I yelled at a father today who was arrogantly telling me what I needed to do because of ‘who he was.’ Another staff person had to step between us and calm things down. Great Christian testimony that was to a Muslim,” I said sarcastically, looking down at my lap while confessing to a teammate. 

When we blow it, make mistakes, or hurt ourselves or others by bad behaviors, what should we do? When negative words and labels from influential relationships rear up in our mind to remind us of past failures, how do we combat the shame, the fear to move forward? 

Often, we are great at giving grace, generosity, kindness, favor, even forgiveness, to others, but not to ourselves. Since we know better, we should do better, right? As Christians, we are given the full, abundant measure of grace, undeserved favor, forgiveness of sin, entrance to eternity with God through Jesus’ achievement on the cross. So, how can we NOT extend a piece of such kindness to others, or hold back what is already extended by God to us?

It is tough to be such a human container of the supernatural deposit of grace. Grace goes against our natural inclination for justice, for what seems fair. When we connect with God through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in prayer and Bible Study, we are filled with grace, and more likely can respond with grace. That is the key. Then we can “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace for help at the time of our need.”