My friend Xiao Wang quietly knocked on my apartment door. I had been dreading her visit since she had called the night before to tell me she just discovered her husband was having an affair.
I had no idea what to say or do as I opened the door and embraced her. My vulnerable friend, dressed all in black, mourning her shattered marriage.
We sat together in my living room and shed tears as she unveiled more of the deep pain of betrayal she’d been through.
As I listened to her, I became aware of our 1 Corinthians 13 scroll in Chinese characters on the wall behind her. After a period of silence, I got out my Bible, opened it to that passage, and handed it to her to read on her own.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
After a few moments of quiet reflection, she looked up at me with shining eyes and exclaimed, “I know what I need to do.” I held my breath as I heard her answer. “Love him,” she said. “I can let God love him through me.”
With those words, her life was transformed. A spark of hope ignited a fire of restoration in her broken marriage. In the coming days, her husband, who was greatly impacted by her forgiveness, expressed a willingness to change. Their marriage grew stronger. By God’s grace, it is still strong to this day.
I realized that recognizing my inability to minister to my friend with any competency of my own opened the door for God to work directly in her life. I discovered that ministry actually starts with coming to the end of me.
It starts with:
Embracing my vulnerability and brokenness,
Creating a safe space for others to enter with authenticity,
Being attentive, available, and approachable,
Not needing to know all the answers but simply knowing the One who does.
How have you seen God work through vulnerability?
Another Chinese couple my husband and I had been helping with their marriage were babysitting our kids one night. When we came home from our date disaster, the wife of the couple asked how we were doing. My husband confessed that he got angry after I told him he was being stubborn, and we had eaten the rest of our dinner in silence. She asked him if he was mad about being called stubborn because it wasn't true or because it made him look bad. Her insightful question opened the door to a much deeper discussion than we would have had otherwise. We still laugh today about how the tables turned in our relationship with them when they ministered to us that night.