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When I was a teenager, I took an eternity to get ready for social events. When I was finally ready someone would usually say, “Look who’s graced us with her presence.”
In American culture, “gracing someone with your presence” is often used with sarcasm. That is the only way I’ve ever known how to feel that phrase until recently.
Not long ago I became part of a new group of friends who are also global workers. When we get together, I experience grace. I feel accepted and free to be myself. I leave refreshed, understood, and fortified for the days ahead. I feel connected and loved. These friends literally grace, or enrich me, with their presence—so life-giving!
I’ve also met with global workers and felt like I was being jabbed with cheap shots—exposed, revealed, stripped, uncovered, blemished, defaced, disfigured, marred (Merriam Webster). Listing all these antonyms for grace probably seems strong, but I’ve felt the need to detox for days after being in such an environment only hours. Community—something God intended to be life-giving—was life-taking.
Such community is characterized by insecurity, passive aggressiveness, baiting words, competition, and attempts to prove one’s own importance instead of discovering others’ needs. Toxic feelings infect and spread. Sometimes being with other global workers can feel like this and there are few safe spaces to find help.
It’s easy to blame others or try to numb feelings. It’s just as easy to get lost in citing examples of my own self-righteousness, thereby proving the “villainy” of others. It’s easy to gossip and injure others’ reputations. That’s the human tendency.
But lately I’ve been asking God, “How can I grace and enrich people in my life? How can I consider others’ perspectives? How can I set healthy boundaries in difficult relationships?”
This is not a cure for difficult relationships or a guarantee for gracious ones. I’m just acknowledging before God that in some relationships I need boundaries for my wellbeing. It’s also an opportunity to learn how to help people feel grace from my presence instead of injury.
Today God gave me the opportunity to be a listener for my family as they prepared for work and school. I pray for more opportunities to be a gracious presence in other encounters with people today.
We all know what it feels like to be in the presence of someone who is gracious and also someone who is not. How can I try to find ways to be with gracious and genuine people regularly in my life? What opportunities exist for me to be a gracious presence for others?
I do not have a perfect answer to this question. But sometimes I find it difficult to pray and put myself out there to meet people—especially when I’m going through transition or a tough time as a global worker. In the past through common interest groups in my community, like gyms or fitness classes, I have made great friends. Sometimes I have invited over other moms with children close to the age of my child. Occasionally I’ve attended ladies’ events at local churches. Sometimes it was as simple as talking to a neighbor.
When I am gifted a relationship with a gracious and genuine person, I prioritize being able to communicate with and meet with the person regularly. It doesn’t have to be daily or weekly, but regularly seems to help so that we can be a consistent presence in the other’s life. Honestly there have been times I’ve had to wait on healthy and genuine community, but it’s been worth it.
I am also thankful when God helps me recognize opportunities to be gracious toward people closest to me and people I see often. These opportunities are usually simple and take on the form of listening, helping, or simply being there. These simple opportunities, when combined with a gracious and genuine presence, are wonderful opportunities to build healthy relationships and community.