“It’s just so weird. I worked here for a few weeks several years ago and I had no problem getting out and interacting with people. Now that I’ve moved here, however, I don’t even want to leave my room,” my friend confided on a recent call. 

“My heart has been torn by what my coworkers said to me. I think it would be better if I just moved on and worked alone,” another friend relayed. 

“It just seems like I can’t find community here. I don’t want to be alone, but everything I try doesn’t seem to move me any closer to relationships.” 

I heard all three of these comments this past week. The first was from a brand-new overseas dweller, the second from a seasoned national worker, and the third was from a friend whose ministry focus and energy is in another part of the world. All three reflect a side of community that isn’t much fun. It’s the side that comes when we’re outside the belonging that community can bring. This side leaves us alone, clutching to (or smothered by) a blanket called isolation. 

Regardless of why isolation surrounds us, God gives sage advice. Proverbs 18:1 states in the New King James Version, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.”

Upon reading this Proverb, and an article on this Proverb (which influenced the writing of this devo), I was left thinking, hey, wait a minute God. You mean it wasn’t a good idea to spend hours (and hours and hours) alone reading those first months I was in Africa? Are You also saying that avoiding that coworker who hurt me wasn’t a good move for my soul, and that I shouldn’t have just settled for only long-distance friendships that fourth time we moved? 

For sure, every situation is different and complex. There are times when we do need to separate from others to hear from God, simply unwind, follow Covid protocol, etc. I also understand that you can’t just take a part of scripture and glue it onto every circumstance. Still, this Proverb gives wise insight into what might be the cause of our I-want-to-be-alone behavior. 

So what do we do with this wisdom? Talk to Him about your isolation. Ask Him (and yourself) if it’s selfish motives that are keeping you alone. If this is the case, then time on your knees or with a counselor-type might be in order. (Thrive can help you with this if you don’t have someone you can consult.) When you hear God directing you back into community, continue to follow His wisdom. Look to Proverbs to give feet on the ground advice like: love can help offenses be overlooked or possibly worked through, it’s important to see the value in others, honesty and faithfulness are vital, gossip separates friends, too many companions can be a detriment, it’s best not to belittle your neighbor (or their culture), don’t stay too long in someone’s home, pick your “discussions” wisely, Godly friendships will bring pain-which eventually lead to gain, and if you want friends start out by being friendly.

Both culture shock, and pain from relationships (or a lack of thereof) stink. Long-term hiding under the covers is not the answer, though. God has a better way. May we all listen to Him, ditch our own deceptive blanket of wisdom, and live out His Word.