I was having coffee with friends on a relaxed summer afternoon. We represented three different nationalities, but because of living nearby for a few years and spending time together, all we could see were things we had in common. We had gradually cultivated a sense of openness in our relationships. This was a good afternoon. We felt close; at ease. That is, until I chose the safe side of vulnerability instead of choosing to be myself. 

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes it’s wise to choose the safe side of vulnerability. We can’t open our hearts to everyone. However, these were tried-and-true friendships. I had been praying for one friend in particular to believe in Christ. Our growing relationship had been a blessing to both of us.  

Someone mentioned the recent busyness of her job. I listened well, but instead of responding in concern or asking questions, my North American value of hard work felt threatened. So I began to list ways I was also working hard. It was not a competition; I simply wanted to meet the perceived status quo so I could feel approval. I regretted acting out of insecurity when I saw the look in one lady’s eyes. Clearly, she also wanted approval. She quickly listed everything in her life that might qualify as important work. When it comes down to it, our acceptance of each other does not depend on the work we do. We are friends because we care about each other. We still had a good time that afternoon, but for a few minutes we strayed from finding joy in being together to defending our personal worth. 

Acting out of fear in relationships can be contagious and cause us to put up walls of protection. Thankfully, love and vulnerability can be contagious as well. God has given me plenty of fresh opportunities to be with these ladies. In moments when I feel awkward and want to pretend, He gives me courage to be myself. Being real and vulnerable before God in life’s myriad situations means I can experience His grace. My friends can see courage that comes from Jesus’ wholehearted acceptance and know it’s always safe to be vulnerable with Him.