I grew up in a loving family that taught me the Gospel for as long as I can remember. My parents did everything they could to be exemplary followers of Christ and showered me with love. I never doubted their affection, but when it came to the Lord… well, that was a different story.

Don’t get me wrong—I had heard everything about God’s love. The first song I memorized was probably “Jesus loves me,” and the Bible stories in Sunday School pointed to a loving Creator. And yet, I had a hard time believing that God could actually love … me. 

Why the doubts? I had no problem envisioning divine affection toward others, but something blocked my picturing the same for me, and this barrier was shame. Not that I had done anything horrible—but I knew my thoughts, and they often weren’t pretty. The more I became aware of my sinfulness, the less I could believe God loved me. 

When I became a global worker, I added another reason to the list of why I couldn’t envision God’s love: I’m an introvert who doesn’t fit the mold of the tireless pioneer worker winning countless for Christ. The Lord had to be disappointed in me, right?  

I don’t remember a specific turning point, but I gradually grew to see I was wrong. God showed me that I had to accept His love without reservations—regardless of my emotions on the subject—and this acceptance was by faith. What’s more, I realized that by not believing in divine love, I was really rejecting it, which impacted my ability to love others.  

In 1 John 4:19, the Apostle John writes some simple words that have such deep meaning: “We love because he first loved us.” God’s love comes first. When we fully accept and immerse ourselves in His agape love, it flows back through us to God and others. 

I still struggle with accepting divine love, but I now know to reject my doubts. God has proven His unfailing love, which He wants me to receive and then pass on to others.