“As a widow, a single woman once again, I just feel like I don’t fit anywhere. I feel married but I am not part of a couple any longer. I need to redefine myself in so many ways, which is hard at my age.”

“Sometimes I wonder what is left for me since my children do not need me anymore.”

“For over 20 years I knew where I belonged, what my work and identity involved. I had a team who shared my vision for building relationships with our Chinese students at the English Center I supervised. Now, I feel lost. I am back in the American house and city I grew up in, caring for my aging mother. No one here knows me as an adult, an independent woman, an overseas worker, or understands the life I have left.” 

These clients of various ages reflected vulnerably with me on the challenging question held in the heart of most women. What defines my value and true identity? 

Marriage? Motherhood? Ministry? Missions?

No matter what our culture tells us, we are NOT fully defined by a husband or children or job or ministry, although these can certainly enrich (or deeply challenge) our earthly lives. Moreover, these are circumstances that God can use to shape our character, our dependence on Him and employ our gifts of service, leadership, encouragement, and teaching. 

Instead, Believers must internalize what God says about our worth, our identity. We are His children, created and loved intensely by the All Mighty. Not just made, also bought with the precious blood of His own Son Jesus who humbly came close to us and paid our debt to a Holy God, sinful flesh creatures that we are. 

If we choose to believe, we are blessed with an enduring, permanent identity. On earth there is pain, there is suffering, there is confusion, but there is daily life that counts, a solid identity that culture and others cannot take away from us, and eternal life ahead.