We had three hours of driving in the car, one and a half hours of parking that car, and then a shuttle which led into two hours of walking and waiting in O’Hare to begin our overseas flight. At 10:30 p.m., as my son-in-law stood at a water filling station in the midst of an active airport concourse, my 3-year-old granddaughter threw herself on the floor and screamed continuously. Her daddy kneeled on the floor to gently pick her up then smiled at me and said, “and so it begins”.  

Our screaming granddaughter had displayed just what I had felt several years earlier. Though I hadn’t thrown myself on the floor, I knew God heard my tantrum. More than once. 

“What?" I had hollered. “You’re asking me to leave this ministry to care for my mom? This is the ministry You gave me and that I love, and now You're taking it away?”  

I literally stomped my foot once. Several times I ignored Him. Often, I pleaded. The word “no” had even entered the conversation, but God kept gently leading. Over and over through His Word and that still calm voice that seems to exist just in my head, He said “Trust Me.” 

Several years later I laid on my mom’s bedroom floor on a makeshift bed, listening to the sound of the oxygen machine. It reminded me of trying to sleep on a plane with its steady engine hum adding some peace during change. My mom was in her final days, possibly hours, and I was no longer screaming. In His loving grace, I realized that He had brought me to this blessed and almost sacred sanctuary between heaven and earth. He had given me the privilege of joining Him on what seemed an atypical mission: it wasn’t about newsletters, or gospel sharing, or the feel-good stuff of people trusting me as they shared their hearts. Instead, at that moment, it seemed to be a mission even more tightly held in His grip. 

I am so thankful that I have a Daddy who smiled and gently lifted me off my tantrum floor. 

My Mom was on her way Home, and unlike her great granddaughter and daughter, she was not throwing fits. She knew it wouldn’t be long before God gently smiled, picked her up and said, “and so, it begins”. 

A version of this devotional was also published in International Messengers’ Good News 2022, written by Paula Roberts