I had that uncomfortable feeling of nothing in life fitting. In addition to my clothes hanging differently on my frame and my apartment being filled with an additional person, my postpartum self was distracted, overwhelmed, and tired. Too many of my sentences began with an apology. I was angry with myself for how many balls I was dropping and how I was not caring for the people around me as I had used to and too tired for my newborn at home.

I expect I am not the only woman who has struggled to embrace different seasons of life which drastically shape our level of engagement on the field. Sometimes these seasons catch us by surprise and other times they can be marked on a calendar. Whether the shift in seasons are planned or come out of left field, they do not surprise our Father in Heaven. He has ordained the seasons. He has prepared good works in advance for us to do – in our given season. We are not abandoned to figure out the new season and role on our own, rather the same One who orders the sun and the rain is the One who keeps His promise to never leave us nor forsake us. 

As I expressed my frustration to the Lord, He met me in the story of Amy Carmichael. Like me, she had learned the lesson the hard way. Amy could not sustain her pre-kids-in-her-home pace and level of ministry while still caring well for the kids in her home. She chose to change what she did outside the home in order to better care for those the Lord had entrusted her within her home. She saw it as a new season and she saw her changes as an act of obedience to the Lord. 

It was then that the scales fell off my eyes and I was able to repent of idolizing a visible and productive life of ministry. I was able to trust that I was enough in whatever season God had me in. I was able to recognize that God had gifted me with this season, and that it was for our good and for His glory. I confessed the idolatry of productivity and visibility. By God’s grace, I chose to receive a season of life that is hidden, trusting that the Father sees and honors faithfulness in the secret place.