No matter how much sleep I get, I have permanent dark circles under my eyes. It’s just the way my skin looks. When I was a girl someone told me that God was taking extra care making me so He pressed a little firmly when He was forming my face and left those marks out of love. I wasn’t convinced.

When I was in my twenties, friends and coworkers were constantly telling me “You look tired!” Umm, thanks? Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn’t…but I didn’t like my face broadcasting it.

Now I often use concealer to lighten the area closer to the tone of the rest of my face. While I’m at it, I tone down the pink on my sun-kissed nose and add a touch of mascara just for fun. “Wow, you look great!” my friends say. “You have three kids, run two ministries, and take seminary classes…how do you do it all?” Well, I’m glad I look good, but I’m actually exhausted. Overwhelmed. Homesick. Anxious. I’ve just covered up the visible signs.

Appearances can be misleading. The truth is under the surface. That’s why the Bible so often compares our lives to plants. The tree in Psalm 1:3 “yields its fruit in season” – that means it also has seasons of budding flowers, seasons of shedding leaves, and seasons of barren rest. Yet it is called “prosperous” in ALL of these things, because they are all connected to the season of fruitfulness. As long as the tree is planted by the stream, it is flourishing no matter how its outward appearance changes.

Maybe some of you are in the leaf-shedding season with me. It’s not pretty. I’m grieving the loss of friendships, ministry opportunities, leisure activities, time with family, squeezed out of my life by my son’s special-needs diagnosis on top of a global pandemic. My world feels very small, and the supporter updates are getting harder to write. I don’t have much to show for myself.

Yet if I stay rooted, if I delight in God’s word, if I hold onto my planting with every last ounce of strength, I can still flourish. I might not appear “fruitful” or “productive” for a long time, but appearances can be misleading. This season will lead to another one, and the roots of humility, trust, patience, and childlike dependence I grow now will support the new growth God wants to bring in my future.