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As an MK growing up in Asia, I always wanted to fit in. The thing is there is no such thing as a white skinned, blond-haired Japanese person. Just by my appearance, without uttering a single word, I already did not belong. It didn’t stop me from trying. I spoke the language, ate the food and dressed the part. But it did not make me Japanese. I did not fit into the norm, and I clearly did not belong.
As an adult living in a small village in West Africa I wanted to be a part of local life. I tried my hardest. I learned the language, ate the food and dressed like the other women. I helped my friends cook over a fire, I carried water on my head to the building sites, and shelled peanuts for hours on end. But it did not make me look or be Guinean. I did not fit the norm and it was pretty obvious that I really did not belong.
The desire for belonging is embedded deep within us. We all want to feel a part of a group or place. As a child I had friends and felt safe and loved and cared for by the community. As an adult I knew that women in the village thought well of me, and considered me their friend. But despite those kindnesses, I never truly belonged. I was not one of the gang.
Oftentimes my nomadic life of un-belonging has left me feeling unsettled and alone. I wonder what it would be like to sit in the village and not be seen as “the white lady”. To walk thru the market and not be seen as “a walking wallet”. To go to church in America and not be known as “the global worker”. To be able to just be and belong.
Paul addresses this issue in Philippians 3:20. “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” I wasn’t made to belong to this world. I’m just a traveler passing through. My place of belonging is not supposed to be in a specific place or with certain people. I was created for an eternal relationship and home with Christ, in whom I truly belong. “Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are His” Psalm 100:3.
I belong to and with Christ, there is no belonging greater than that.
When are the times that feel most keenly that sense of not fitting in, or belonging? What do you do with those feelings or emotions?
One of the times I have struggled with feeling like I don’t belong, is when there are things I am excited about or want to celebrate in my family’s life, that is not important or relevant to those around me. When my kids had a birthday, or read their first book alone, or made a cool project I wanted to share these events with my friends in the village. But I knew that none of these events were really relevant to their life, and they would not really know how to celebrate them with me. These times I felt the lack of really belonging in their community keenly, and it made me feel really lonely.