“So when we got locked down and couldn’t attend the international church Friday, your group decided to hold a worship gathering on campus and you didn’t let the whole team know?” I asked one of my twenty-something teachers, new to the school staff.

“It just happened. We didn’t plan it. Why is it our responsibility to look out for everyone’s needs?” she shot back with an uncomfortable, defensive air. 

I was speechless. For four years my Christian educator team of about 30-40 lived together on a secure, closed compound composed of classroom and admin buildings plus staff housing. We had enjoyed an amazing sense of togetherness and unity through work and play. Not that we did everything together, but the message communicated was all were welcome to join whatever was happening during the off-school hours. 

In the fifth year, an unusually large transition happened with new staff replacing long-termers and ten former strangers bonded quickly around their similar age and as newbies to Afghanistan. They formed a separate circle inside the larger team and often the message came through that they found fulfillment in their group, translating to the rest, we don’t need you.  

Those of us who missed former teammates were opening our hearts to new relationships. Although cordial and passionately committed to our mission at the school, they didn’t often invite, initiate, or engage in activities with colleagues outside their core community. We tried group conversations, each side sharing their hearts to hopefully bridge the chasm. It just made the situation worse, sadly.  

When some of these younger staff members cycled off in the following year and following, those who chose to remain in Kabul missed their friends and found themselves finally understanding what others tried to express previously. Community is essential to our well-being, particularly in hard places where we don’t fundamentally belong. We each do well to contribute so that we all feel welcome, feel valued, and can share the life and love of Christ. We do need each other.