My friend timidly approached me. She hesitated for a second, then told me that a mutual acquaintance of ours had been spreading slander about me. Needless to say, I was shocked, which quickly turned to anger. When my emotions calmed down a bit (after an extended period of time), I was left with the question of how to deal with the thoughts that were raging within me. Could I ever forgive? 

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” This verse played over and over in my mind like a broken record. I came to see it as a clue on how to fight my way forward toward forgiveness. Whenever I felt tempted to feed my hurt and anger – oh, let’s say, by imagining all the ways I could exact revenge, or even better, how God could do it for me – these words would stop me dead in my tracks. I would then bow my head in repentance and thank the Lord for his mercy and grace. 

Forgiveness is impossible without first smothering all the negative thoughts about the person we need to forgive. God used Paul’s words in Romans as a filter for everything that tried to enter my mind. Was the thought evil or good? If it served to bolster my anger, then it had to go. I admit it was a struggle, and I often failed, but little by little, I learned to pray for my accuser instead of dwelling on what had happened. 

I don’t mean to imply that we must downplay the wrong done to us. But as Paul writes, we’ll never overcome evil by piling on more of the same. God is the one to repay, and our part is to forgive. 

Over time all my anger and hurt dissolved, having been starved to death. The day finally came when my slanderer asked for my forgiveness, and I could hug her with a sincere heart. Since then, our relationship has been amicable. I’m convinced this would have been impossible had I given the negative thoughts free rein.