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December 30, 2020

The Scars on the Story of My Life

December 30, 2020 by LAURIE M. ADORATION Grief, loss, & depression Worshiping God Trust
The Scars on the Story of My Life
“Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”
Mark 12:41-44

What has God put in your hand with which to worship him?


As laborers for the Gospel, we don’t ask for suffering. Nor do we look for it. But Jesus has told us to expect it. The apostles rejoiced because they were counted as worthy to suffer for the sake of the Gospel. They worshipped the Lord after suffering. As laborers, many of us have given up worldly comforts and material gain for the sake of the Gospel. While there has been much sacrifice and loss, there has also been unfathomable spiritual gain. 


I sat with a friend of mine who was counting the cost of being a laborer. She was seeing many around her losing their visas and having to leave the people they had grown to love. Wondering if she would face the same lot, she was wrestling with a fear of loss and a fear of enduring the unknown. Knowing that my family had left our adopted country because we too had been denied a visa, this friend gingerly asked her questions with tears in her eyes. “Laurie, I know that God is sovereign, but it strikes me as cruelly insensitive to say this to you in light of the pain and loss you have suffered.” 


“Oh, Sarah,” I responded. “God was faithful through it all. He was present. And he was good.”


Unaware, we talked straight through the worship session at the conference we were attending. 


What if this is my worship? What if all I have in my hands to offer is this story with grief and loss, and I get to offer it back to him in adoration? What if these are my two coins? Because of this loss, I have been given the gift of tears, the gift of being comforted, the gift of seeing God sustain, and the gift of seeing God redeem. I am able to proclaim his faithfulness. Furthermore, while these scars on the story of my life may look like copper coins to the watching world, what if they are actually the treasures that I am privileged to bring to his feet in adoration?

Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father, we know that you uphold us in your everlasting arms. We know that in you we move and breathe and have our being. Everything we have is from you. Teach us to worship you alone. Teach us to not be so caught up in our lives that we let our eyes slip from you. May we not be consumed by counting our losses and our trials – or even our victories. Rather, may we be consumed by your glory: by delighting in you and by declaring what you have done to the world around us. Lord, may we worship and adore you with our entire being: our strengths, our weaknesses, our gifts, and our losses. Give us a holy fear and a deep awe of you, Lord Jesus. In your name we pray, Amen.
Resources
Book: Digging Ditches by Helen Roseveare This book is a powerful resource in trusting the Lord and worshipping him while encountering and enduring suffering and sorrow. In Digging Ditches, Roseveare recounts her traumatic experiences while serving in the Congo and finds her strength in the Lord. Helen Roseveare (1925-2016) was a medical worker through WEC in the Congo through turbulent years. She suffered greatly. After leaving the Congo, she continued her ministry through writing and teaching.
Book: Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard This has been a book of encouragement and comfort to me through seasons of grief and loss. Hurnard’s allegorical tale of Much Afraid’s journey through deep transformational valleys and to peaks of glory paints a redemptive picture of suffering without sugarcoating the difficulties. Much Afraid – like the widow – is able to offer her wounds and scars in trusting adoration of the one she loves.
Question for Reflection

Worshipping God through our suffering and sorrow is not a natural response. In what ways has God met you in the valleys of life so that – even there – you were able to trust and adore him?

Comments
Laurie M.
December 30, 2020

Being denied a visa to our adopted country was a heart-wrenching event for my family and me. However, through our long season of goodbyes – and our longer season after of walking in the desert – God was so near. He fed my heart with his word, comforting me in each moment and enabling me to comfort those around me. As I grieved a deep loss, I was able to say with the words of Job, “though you slay me, yet will I trust you.”