"I just don't understand why they never ask about the life I once had in America," I said one night to an intern we were hosting in our adopted country. Hidden beneath that comment, however, was my true thought: why don't my national friends understand the sacrifices I make to live in their land? Why don't they value the loss I live with day by day? 

These secret thoughts seemed too ugly to admit. Their selfishness, pride, and lack of gratitude didn't sound like a "good global worker." 

Today, I confess that my thinking can still fall into this same habit. When I hear myself silently scream, "Look at me! My sacrifice is so great," I know something deep within me needs help. 

"I desire mercy, not sacrifice..." Matthew writes in verse 9:13. 

Just as the Pharisees knew the Old Testament reference Jesus spoke of in these words, I am reminded of them, too: 

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings" Hosea 6:6 

My translation of this verse goes like this: God desires love more than sacrifice; He desires that I know Him much more than anything I give up. When my focus strays from knowing God, I somehow get tangled up in the flowing robes of a hard-at-work-Pharisee, or should I say, a hard-at-work-global-worker. My efforts don't come from His love coursing through me, but instead they come from the lie that I need to earn His love through what I do and what I sacrifice. My attempts to dress myself in the white of my own righteousness leave me blind to what I know about my Savior. I adorn myself in filthy rags and though I may not smell myself, surely God and most likely others, can.  

When God allows me to catch a whiff of my scent, He gently leads me to repentance. As He washes my feet, He asks me to rest a bit and focus, once again, on what I know of Him. This is not a review of head knowledge (though that plays into it), but it is more about what I know of His character and mercy at a deep level. As my thoughts shift from my sacrifice to His, my heart begins to beat differently. I'm not consumed with my self-effort or will power, but instead I’m thankful for the privilege of His constant companionship. It is then that I notice a miracle! Sacrifice is no longer an issue as He and I work together out of love.