Volunteer agreements…team dinners…event hosting…an internship program…the ideas kept coming. “I can do this!” I thought. “My gifts can really help this ministry!”

Then my supervisor lectured me about overspending on building repairs. My director yelled at me for not wanting to turn our administrative office into a dormitory for short-term visitors. My coworker invited everyone else in the ministry center to dinner and left me out. The program leaders refused to complete their reports, or lost them, or left out key information, or complained that I was wasting their time. 

“Fine,” I began to think. “I don’t need you either.” I stopped going to the office and worked in my room. I skipped team meetings, faking sickness. I stared out the window, took naps, read the news from home. I devoured books and podcasts to keep my mind busy so I wouldn’t feel angry all the time.

From this point, burnout was inevitable. I was holding onto every offense, building a nice collection of tinder that would eventually ignite from a small spark of conflict.

I’ve always loved the idea of spring cleaning, though rarely practiced it – moving was usually the impetus to clear the clutter and start fresh. In this season of burnout, we did move – but the clearing of physical possessions was secondary. I needed a spring cleaning of my heart.

After all, our model is God the Father, who says “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more” (Isaiah 43:25). And Paul reminds that love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). I was failing badly in this area, and hurting myself and my coworkers in the process. 

Burnout can come in many forms, from many external pressures, but a major part of mine was self-inflicted. Not that I hadn’t been wronged…but as my mentor reminded me at that time, when we work with people, we work with sinners. And anyone who worked with me worked with a sinner as well. When Paul writes, “keep no debt outstanding...,” that means both releasing what is owed to me and asking forgiveness for what I owe to others. Only then can I stay focused on the main goal – not completing projects or organizing programs, but loving one another.