“You are firing me? On what grounds?”  

I stared with incredulity at my boss at the international school where I was in my seventh year as principal. The tension had been mounting over several months as our leadership styles and personality differences clashed. He was the second director during my time in Afghanistan, but he had little K-12 education experience. Many problems, financial and organizational, were whirling, and I pressed for solutions. This was not well received. 

“This is not about your abilities as a principal, just our inability to work together. Instead of leaving in June as you were planning, you need to leave now, or at the latest, Christmas break,” he added. 

As I walked the short distance from the admin office to my apartment on the closed, secure compound, I shook my head in disbelief that he was willing to destabilize the school with this decision. And I shook in shame that I couldn’t fix this problem, though I had tried many tactics in the past year. The cool November air eased my hot face. 

Really, God, I was trying to have everything in place for leaving well. Is this Your best plan for ending my overseas Kingdom work? Sent home in disgrace?  

During my trauma and the following two years of U.S. debriefing and counseling activities, I willed myself to remember my 40-year history with God, including His promises and provisions of loving care. It was one of the toughest periods of my life, and yet I knew undeniably that Jesus was close and not ashamed to call me His own.  

I drew comfort from years of study and prayer about where I must draw my confidence and identity–my security. Not from my work and not from others, but only from my relationship with Christ and what He has done on my behalf. This is my hope and security. This is your hope and security. No matter what happens, run to Jesus. He understands. He restores confidence. He provides the security you need. 

“For You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my trust from my youth and the source of my confidence.” Psalm 71:5