Shared experiences have given me some of my best culture lessons. Shared loss of electricity, noisy parties, and broken water pipes made me less of an oddity in our building. As neighbors, we were inconvenienced, challenged and flooded together. As colleagues, we lamented test-giving and rejoiced over student progress. 

Some lessons fit with my expectations and others caught me by surprise bringing understanding as well as questions. 

Aging parents was one example. If you and the people you call mother and father live long enough, you will have aging parents. This is a fact, regardless of your relationship with them or where you each live. I came to Asia expecting to find older people respected, especially parents. To a large extent this was true. But it wasn’t the “Americans put old people in homes” and “Chinese families care for their elderly” dichotomy that my freshmen took to be truth. 

Yes, many students spoke of wanting to get good jobs so they could take care of their parents, but others hoped a sibling would take this responsibility. 

My middle-aged language tutor worried that her three daughters living abroad would be ‘burdened’ with her care as she got older. She liked living in her own place. 

Neighbors often had questions about my aging parents. Did they want to live with their children? Another friend said he owed his parents so much that they would always come first. This created a huge rift in his marriage. 

Local friends with whom I shared a Sunday gathering grappled with the Bible’s commandment to “honor your father and mother.” But so did my team – every member holding the same passport! In both groups were absent, abusive, distant, loving, encouraging, and humble parents. Some shared a faith with their children and others tolerated it at best. We all responded differently, at times perplexing our unbelieving friends who expected a uniform response. 

I think we each showed our watching worlds God’s kingdom. Each asking the only perfect Father how to follow His command here on earth without forgetting our true citizenship.