I was supervising recess at my international school in Afghanistan where I served as principal. Just like my past experiences as a kindergarten teacher in the states, young girls circled around me with giggling cries, “The boys are chasing us!”

I responded the same as years before, even in this now ethnically diverse culture, “If you want them to stop, turn around and face them. They won’t chase you anymore.”  

Certain connections can make us feel like we’re being chased, that we have no control, no power to assert ourselves into the relationship. This can be family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, or even overseas acquaintances. We feel like hiding, not answering the phone or messages, or playing a role we don’t enjoy when in their presence, just to endure and not cause conflict.

There must be a wiser way to live. 

Starting from a foundation that we are fully loved and accepted by God and not desperate for human affirmation, we need to recognize our own contributions to the relational problems, ask and receive forgiveness, and accept the realities of others.  

If we determine the relationship has value or reason to continue, we can develop a plan to move forward. 

Perhaps we want shorter visits, less frequent, or in public places with others present. Certain topics or discussions can be deemed taboo. Requests for time, money, or resources by the other person can be declared as possible but not mandatory. Access a trusted mentor or cultural advisor to help with new insights and healthy boundaries.

Once we have communicated pertinent aspects of our boundaries clearly, we must practice what we preached. There may be testing, but for any possibility of long-term, positive change, we must stay the course in an assertive, optimistic, forgiving, even long-suffering manner. 

Sadly, not all relationships can go the distance. When we sense our emotional or physical safety is in constant jeopardy, we may need to consider separation. 

Embracing courage, receiving wisdom and strength from a loving God, and using our voice to speak truthfully, yet humbly, we can enjoy safe, encouraging relationships that enrich our lives.