Really? You know God asked you to come back and live with and help your mom, so why are you so snippy with her? You love her, so why is this so difficult?  

My thoughts and actions were far from where I’d thought they’d be as I assessed the recent months with my mom. We knew God had asked us to leave the foreign field and move in with her so she could spend her last earthly days (months? years?) in her home, but I never expected to run straight into my stubborn sinful nature in the process. 

My attitude stunk and I knew it. Every day seemed like a continual stand-off with my sin. “Lord, I’m sorry I was … so impatient with her at supper, so quick to dismiss her legitimate question”, or “so unwilling to show her, for the fifth time, how to get to her texts on her phone.” I even got to the point of wondering if it would be better if she moved into a nursing home. That thought didn’t get too far, however. I knew God had asked us to stay with her, so what needed to exit was my sin.  

My irritation riveted up the more befuddled she became. Yes, I know caregivers have a tough job and there were probably some things from the past I needed to work through, but in God’s grace His conviction of my sin stayed steady. In a two-week time period, I found myself in tears over and over. My prayers became more desperate. “I am truly like Paul, Lord. I desperately love my mom, but I am consistently doing the things I do not want to do. Father, I need your help. Please Lord, help me.” 

He did. He revealed to me my pride. He revealed to me my sense of entitlement. He revealed to me that the ministry that gets written about in newsletters, you know the public stuff, holds a reward or status that He wanted me to do without. He miraculously changed my heart. After those weeks of tears and confession I seemed different, new. My compassion returned, my patience increased (well, I can’t say I was completely patient), and my actions of love toward my mom grew and grew. I was transformed. I knew where my heart was then, and I know where it is now. It was a miracle. 

God is in the business of transforming hearts. He does it when we are initially saved, and He continues to change us throughout our days. He is changing you, too. It may not be a simple process, but He’s in the job of transformation.