This decision WOULD affect ministry. I knew it and so did my husband. We discussed the pros and cons but I went to bed that night wrestling with the questions that come with spending big money. I knew if we said yes to this it meant saying no to other things. I knew it would be easy to confuse the good with the best. In fact, I knew all kinds of things that could get in the way of a wise decision. What I didn’t know was which way God wanted us to take. Through the night I worked hard at trying to come up with an answer. 

Early the next morning I found myself asking God more questions, but this time with a much-needed coffee in hand. “What are we supposed to do, Lord?” I asked. “Are our priorities in the wrong place? We don’t want to veer off Your path.” 

Then two thoughts seemed to interrupt my barrage of questions. What if this whole thing is more about letting you see your own heart than how God will answer? And, is your heart truly resting in Him? 

My whole body relaxed as I saw how easily my joy and peace had slipped away. My perspective shifted as I realized that God was more concerned with an attitude of trust than in our ultimate decision. My lack of sleep the night before made it obvious that my faith was far from a child’s who could sleep in her Father’s arms while she waited patiently for His loving and timely reply. I needed to rest. For sure, I could keep asking and looking for an answer, but more than asking I needed to let go of my “control” and trust. He would make His path clear.

Two days later I read this by Oswald Chambers, “His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now…It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.” (My Utmost for His Highest, July 28th) 

“The process, not the end.” In this process of living with and trusting God He not only promises to give wisdom for decisions, but He also promises to change our hearts. I am thankful that He showed me that in the midst of this decision He was fulfilling both of those promises at the same time.