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December 23, 2024

Healthy Belonging: A Sanctuary of Acceptance and Source of Strength to Engage the World Well

December 23, 2024 by CHRISSY WINSLOW BELONGING Close friendships overseas Feeling known & understood Team unity & dynamics Finding community
Healthy Belonging: A Sanctuary of Acceptance and Source of Strength to Engage the World Well
  • by CHRISSY WINSLOW
  • Comment
“A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another.”
John 13:34

My friends are amazing. We represent diverse countries and lives. Our ages span generations. We’re so different. But we’ve agreed to create a safe space; to fully accept each other as much as humanly possible in our discussions and views on life. These women have celebrated some of my best moments and have stood with me in my worst moments after disappointments or mistakes. 


There are few spaces where I feel completely safe to be myself. It’s not that I go around pretending. However, I’ve learned over the years to guard my heart. I shouldn’t share important things with just anyone. And varying degrees of intimacy in community relationships are natural. It’s impossible to be close with everyone. Also, trustworthiness has to be proven over time and in important moments. 


In the past I mistook familiarity for belonging. Yet it’s possible to be in a room filled with people of like-minded faith, who could all sign the same belief statement without hesitation, and still not experience belonging. Many global workers probably empathize with the grief in this statement. While everyone experiences this pain, global workers know it with a hauntingly familiar ache. Belonging can be a rare experience in expat life. 


While I’ve had good friendships, I’ve never experienced such belonging as I have with my friends in this stage of life. I didn’t force it to happen. Rather I was desperately seeking to be genuine before God and others…and somehow through one of His children, God gifted me relationships with these wonderful people. Part of this was honestly talking with an experienced global worker I trusted about common interest groups and belonging in my community. And there seemed to be lot of waiting, learning, and knowing whether a situation worked for me. I express it this way to share my journey; not to suggest I’ve discovered a formula for finding healthy belonging (although there have been times I wished such a formula existed).  


These relationships are some of the most sacred I’ve ever known; their authenticity and freedom. There is no pressure to conform; rather the encouragement to be myself without hesitation. We want to extend free space and hospitality for others to be themselves as well. Disagreements, apologies, laughter, and constant learning are a natural part of the group. I pray with my whole heart, dear reader, that you find a sacred fellowship—relationships that provide true belonging with fellow travelers of the Way of Jesus—on your life journey.

Closing Prayer
Creator, thank you for the sanctuary to be myself and the inspiration to engage my community with your love. This comes from you and also from the love of the friends you have given me. It is indescribably wonderful to be accepted for who I really am with these ladies instead of striving to be tolerated for my best attempts to live up to a status quo. For each lady, I pray for the courage to be herself and for you to give her the blessing of a relationship/ relationships where she is accepted and valued for who she is. Also, please give each lady wisdom to know how she can be an advocate for hospitality and belonging in her community. Please Creator, show your love to ladies around the world in this way. Thank you. Amen.
Resources
Book: Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
Book: Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen “Hospitality means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. . . . The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free; free to sing their own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free also to leave and follow their own vocations. Hospitality is not a subtle invitation to adore the lifestyle of the host, but the gift of a chance for the guest to find his own.”
Article: Finding a Sense of Belonging by Lisa Velin, Seattle Christian Counseling At the end of the article are recommendations for connecting with people in Seattle, but the ideas and principles could apply to other contexts.
Question for Reflection

Do I have to carry protest signs demanding my needs or engage with people in a harsh manner in order to be myself? Can I force others to be what I need so I can experience the belonging I crave? How can I be myself and also allow freedom for others to belong as well?

Comments
Chrissy Winslow
December 23, 2024

No— I don’t need to have an “in your face” attitude to be myself. And I can’t force others to be what I need them to be. However, I can choose to simply be myself throughout the situations in my day. Not to pretend. To work well with others, communicate, compromise, and accomplish tasks—as myself. I can ask God for the love, wisdom, and strength to give others freedom and space to be themselves as well. I can be a vital part of creating spaces for healthy belonging in my family, friendships, and community. The creative genius of God is reflected in the unique stories of every single person. I can honor this in myself and others by helping foster a sense of hospitality and belonging in all my relationships.