My emotions get confused in the midst of transition. You experience the deep grief of “goodbyes” while also experiencing the great excitement of “hellos.” In one moment you feel the sadness, and the next you feel the joy. The longer the transition lingers, the longer the two emotions seem to collide. 

Being engaged has felt that way to me. I have felt the loss of the season of singleness, especially moving out of the apartment I shared with roommates and into my own apartment to be shared with my husband soon. The dynamics of relationships have started to change as time, priorities, and lifestyle have to be adjusted. Simultaneously, the joy of getting to do life with my fiancé, planning our wedding, and dreaming of the future have filled my days. However, even though I’m not really single anymore, I’m not married either. So the transition lingers and so do the emotions.

It can feel like this when transitioning countries, job positions, stages of life; I can imagine it feels similar to be pregnant too. Transitions are both a leaving and arriving, an ending and a beginning, the bitter and the sweet. It’s hard to define exactly what we feel. 

In another life transition I watched the movie Inside Out and it helped me to realize that sometimes our emotions aren’t so clean cut. Sometimes, like for Riley in the movie, they are all mixed up. She had joy and sadness mixed up within a singular memory. Sometimes we experience something in life that both brings great sadness AND great joy. And we don’t necessarily need to choose what we are feeling or define it, but just allow ourselves to feel it. Give yourself permission to grieve goodbyes and celebrate hellos and everything in between.