I really don’t enjoy roller coasters. Honestly, I don’t even enjoy the little kids’ swings at the park. Skiing is way too fast and risky for me, and turbulence on the airplane freaks me out every time. I would be called the opposite of an adrenaline junkie if there were a single word for that. I was talking to my husband about it, and he had the audacity to suggest that I may have some control issues. What a ridiculous comment, I replied to him, “I don’t have control issues; I just don’t like it when I don’t know what is coming next.” My sweet husband looked at me with a knowing look and said, “Yup, that is what I said.” He knows me well.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like adventure and fun, and I have eaten lots of weird things, and gone to some crazy places. But I can also say with assurance that I do not like that feeling of not having control of my body. I like solid ground, gravity that is working well, and an unhurried pace. I like having control, because not having it is scary to me. It makes me anxious and nervous and drives me into territories of the unknown that I really am not interested in exploring. Fear of the “what if’s” crowd my mind and keep me from enjoying the moment.

But control is an illusion, isn’t it? If I were to make a list of the things in my day that I truly have control over, the list would be shockingly short.

So much of life depends on other people’s choices, the weather, health, moods, urges, finances, feelings, and the list goes on. And when I allow fear to dominate the areas where I do not have control, that fear can quickly take over my life. I recently read an encouragement to consider thinking in terms of “even if” rather than “what if”. This shift of perspective seems so important. Rather than only seeing the negative possibilities and all the unknows, I can focus on the positive potentials and all the things that are held in God’s hands.

“Even if” my kids get sick again, God, I know you are with us. (Joshua 1:9)

“Even if” the weather seems ominous, God, I know you hold the wind in your hands. (Psalm 135)

“Even if” people are unpredictable, God, you never change. (Hebrews 13:8)

“Even if” I feel scared, God, I know you are with me. (Isaiah 41:10)

While you are still unlikely to ever find me bungee jumping, my heart’s desire is to be deeply rooted in an understanding of who God is, so that “even if” anything… I can be fearlessly enveloped and resting in truth.