My head spun, my throat gasped for air, shallow breaths folding one over the other as I bent over in agony. Numbness spread throughout my body and reality seemed to fade. My first panic attack. I didn’t even know what it was until later. I just knew I was in shock. 

A leader in our organization had just falsely accused my husband and I of something completely off-track, something that hit us out of the blue. A misunderstanding that snowballed. A flaming arrow of the enemy, shot at my heart... from those I thought I knew and trusted. 

As a life-long people-pleaser, I was crushed. Incredulous. Helpless to reverse time and smooth out the misunderstanding. Fingers of fear and doubt gripped my heart as I wondered how God could allow this accusation to strike us. Wasn’t He watching? Didn’t He see how we’d left our families and given up everything for Him? How could He allow this lie to de-rail the most impactful ministry my husband and I had ever led?  

Rationally, I knew that the accusation was false and that I shouldn’t give it a second thought. So why was I having a panic attack? It took me a while to see it.  

Fear. 

At the root of fear is the lie that God is not good. The lie that God doesn’t know what’s best for us. The lie that God is helpless in the face of evil and opposition. 

Fear must be countered by FAITH in a God that is GOOD. A God who sees all, understands all, and holds all of our tomorrows together under the rainbow of His promise to work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). 

I lifted my eyes up to Jesus. I asked Him to help me. I opened my hands to him, in faith, to take my life, to take the lies, to take the ministry, and to work it out how He best saw fit, because He is good.

Basking in the light of His goodness evaporated the icy tentacles of fear that wrapped around my heart. Peace replaced pain and I yielded to His goodness.

And you know what? He did work it out. It wasn’t the path I would have picked, but He used this to lead us to something better. Because He is good.