As an independent westerner, my first long-term experience in a group culture had me saying “I just feel like I don’t belong.” Group cultures are fiercely loyal to their people and hospitable to outsiders. But it can be extremely difficult to feel you have moved from outsider into acceptance in a group culture. I was working alongside people of a different culture than me every day and still I felt I didn’t belong.

A friend of mine explained it to me this way. Everyone has two sets of walls around their lives: an outer wall and an inner one. Most westerners have a high outer wall; meaning we don’t make friends right away, talk to random strangers on the street, or socialize with our neighbors. However, we have low inner walls. Once we have built trust with someone, we are willing to open up and be vulnerable. We value depth in our relationships. Many from group cultures experience the reverse, they have a low outer wall, demonstrating openness for relationship quickly, and a high inner one, taking more time to open up on a deeper level. 

As you can imagine, this can make connection and belonging seem far out of reach between the two. One culture will feel rejected by the lack of up-front friendliness, the other by a lack of depth. 

We will only be able to work through these feelings of rejection when there is a sense of belonging in the presence of God. When we operate from a place of knowing we belong, rejection’s sting won’t stick for long; we will be able to stop searching for a place to belong, and instead create a place of belonging for others. 

Fast forward three years and I was getting ready to leave the very team I had felt rejected by. Except, instead of feeling relief, I felt grieved to be leaving people I considered family. We had both come to meet each other in the middle relationally, persevering beyond the feelings of rejection and choosing to extend love. 

No matter what cultural and relational differences you find yourself in, I pray you are able to find your sense of belonging in the Father and extend a place of belonging to those around you.