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My first intern was arriving that very day for the training program I had been developing for years. While I was thrilled to finally begin this venture, my body had recently showed signs of an undiagnosed illness – which was also impacting my mind and my memory. I had no idea how well I would be able to engage with Susan as her mentor and leader.
I welcomed Susan with honesty, “Susan, I am struggling with an illness and am going to do the best I can with our time here. I will likely repeat myself and also forget some things that you say. I will have to keep our meetings short, but I will be as present as I am able.”
I prayed some more and asked the Lord to be glorified in my weakness.
Throughout my time mentoring Susan, I sought to point her to the Lord. Rather than my normal style of “winging it,” I had to plan well and almost script our times together. However, I could not discern if she was gleaning anything from our times together – was it worth it? I wrestled with the shame of not being as capable as I used to be.
“God, I have no idea if this is ministering to her. I will keep preparing and praying and showing up. Please continue to fill me and work through me. Be glorified in my weaknesses.”
In so much of ministry, it is tempting to hide areas where I am weak and conceal unexpected diagnoses, pushing through grief and trials. But in keeping the difficulties secret and muscling through, I am robbing God of the glory – as if any fruit is borne out of my skills and efforts. I also end up perpetuating a lie that only folks who are strong and productive can “do” ministry.
Rather than hide my sufferings, would I believe the words of Paul that God is glorified in our weaknesses and so boast in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9-10), expecting God to make his name great? When things look hopeless, would I fully expect the Hope of the Nations to reveal Himself?
Later, when Susan reflected on her internship, one of the most significant parts of the program were the times spent with me. She had been received with love, encouraged in her walk with the Lord, and companioned in her discernment of her calling.
God had met me in my weakness, glorified himself, and done more than I could expect, ask, or imagine.
How have you seen God glorify himself in your weakness?
Right around the time of Susan’s internship, I had periodic cognitive limitations due to a virus. My words would mix with one another or get lost in my mind mid-sentence. One day, my husband and I were asked to speak to a church staff to comfort them after a tragic loss. In that season, I relied heavily on scripting what I needed to say, but that day, there was no opportunity to prepare a script. Similar to in this devotional, I uttered a quick prayer and asked God to give me the words and the emotions for that moment.
When I spoke, it was crystal clear. The emotions, the scripture, and the ideas flowed for the moment and my husband and I were able to encourage this church together.
Afterwards, we got in the car to go home. We had not left the parking lot before I tripped over my words. In my weakness, God had allowed my mind and my mouth to work in the moment for his glory.