When I first moved abroad, I saw needs everywhere. My tendency was to roll up my sleeves and immediately get to work. Offering “solutions” was intuitive and natural. Feeling like I was accomplishing something made me feel valuable. Hard work and success in my home culture tends to equal worthiness. I clung to these values when I felt out of place in my new culture. I often felt useless, so I turned to achieving, doing, and others’ affirmations to feel better. 

Occasionally ministry plans seemed to work out, but more often they did not. People said they would show up and never did. Or they feigned interest and felt obligated. I thought I knew what “successful ministry” looked like. And I was ready to transplant everything I thought I knew. When I showed up on the scene with my qualifications and amazing ideas, I thought people would be excited to get on board.

I pursued elusive feelings of success instead of true compassion for people in my community. I was blinded by preconceived expectations. I felt angry and hurt when my expectations went unmet or when I wasn’t validated. 

After many mistakes and much grace from others, I stopped to observe my life. Instead of looking for ways to feel valuable; instead of unmitigated zeal for ministry plans and forcing people into them, I needed compassion.

It began with self-compassion. I had moved to a different world and needed time to learn to care for my family and myself. This did not happen fast. I began to listen and learn—especially from mistakes. I asked questions and was taught by people in my new culture. I attended language tutoring. These years were productive, even though they sometimes felt counterintuitive to western ideals. But I was learning to help in more effective, lasting ways. 

I’m joyful for deep relationships that began during these first years. For the most part, the greatest acts of compassion in my host culture happened later, not sooner. They happened after time—when I better understood the meaning of compassion in my new context. I am so thankful for God’s past and present work to change my thinking about culturally helpful ways to show compassion. Now I am more willing to wait; to get to know people, listen and learn before acting.