My eyes were fixed on my laptop screen as I watched him receive that prestigious American award—the National Humanities Medal. I was so proud of him. He bowed his head as he received the medal, paused, shook the president’s hand and smiled to take a picture. I smiled back and for a few seconds (in my five-second daydreaming moment), I dreamed he could see my radiant smile, but Bryan Stevenson would never know how proud I was of him, nor would he ever know how much I lit the room with my smile when he smiled at the photographers. 

From the moment I heard of Bryan Stevenson and read his New York Times Bestseller “Just Mercy” in 2018, I became enthralled by him and always wished I would one day meet him in person. Who wouldn’t become fascinated by a selfless man who has dedicated his entire life to serving the poor and liberating those who have been wrongfully incarcerated? 

That evening of his award ceremony, when my eyes were glued to my laptop screen, I wondered “Is this amazing man married?” “Does he have children?” “What is his life like?” “How does he manage family life?” “Where do they live?” I quickly searched the internet and opted to first read the details from Wikipedia. I skipped all the sections pertaining to his professional life, which I was very well acquainted with, and went straight to the personal life section and to my utter amazement my eyes were fixed on the following sentence: “Stevenson is a lifelong bachelor and has stated that his career is incompatible with married life.” I took a very long breath, breathed out and stared in disbelief. I paused and loved the man even more! My level of admiration increased by a thousandfold. The words “his career is incompatible with married life,” kept resonating in my mind, and slowly as I was pondering this powerful statement, little by little I tweaked the sentence and kept repeating it to myself over and over for a few minutes “a calling incompatible with married life”, “a calling incompatible with married life”, “a calling incompatible with married life” and then I wondered if my calling was incompatible with married life. Would I ever be able to bravely and joyfully accept such a calling? 

What if I was called to remain single like Bryan Stevenson, to accomplish great things? What if I was called to only live out the first part of 1 Corinthians 7:34 and never marry? “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit…” (1 Corinthians 7:34). If indeed that was my call, would I ever have the courage to recognize that my calling is incompatible with married life because what I am called to do is simply focus on the Lord and accomplish what He has called me to accomplish on this planet (without a spouse and children)? 

Very unexpectedly, a surge of encouragement filled my heart. That very handsome man had made a radical choice to focus his entire life to the service of the marginalized. He had accomplished much because his eyes were ever fixed on the One who called him and fixed on the assignments he was to accomplish in this temporary life on earth.

That day, I embraced singleness in a way I had never done before. Instead of worrying about my age, obsessing and focusing on what I didn’t have (i.e. husband and children) and wasting my time pitying myself, I accepted, for the first time in my life, that my calling might be incompatible with married life and somehow I was so encouraged by it. There was now a definition to my tenure of singleness—a calling incompatible with married life. I now understood that it had never been about me being unwanted, un-beautiful, or unable to bear children… it was simply very possible that my calling was incompatible with married life. I had to have seen it lived out to believe it, and that day Bryan Stevenson’s life helped me understand what it looks like to be an accomplished Christian single who lives out their calling well and for the Lord.  

Somehow, I felt liberated and the shackles of fear of being single fell off of me. I pondered that Bryan Stevenson was able to bravely recognize that his career was incompatible with married life and live out his calling by accomplishing great feats and honoring God. If God had such plans for my life, I too could and would turn out to be OK single, just as he did!